Thursday, November 8, 2012

Adoption Update

Hello there, Wow, it's been quite a long time since my last post and I felt the need to share how things have been going with the process. It's been a crazy roller coaster of a ride, and I'm not much of a roller coaster fan! I've had two matches since my file was approved this summer. About two months ago, my case worker called me with information on a 9 month old baby girl. Nothing ever prepares you for that call. It's excitement, thrilling, scary, unknown, etc. But overall, I was very excited! My case worker gave me some basic info over the phone and said that there was one family ahead of me to decide whether or not they wanted the baby. I had a week to think about if I wanted to go for a full disclosure if the family ahead of me were to say no. I had quite a lot to think about. When I first started this process, I said that I would be open to a Caucasian, or Caucasian-Hispanic mixed child. But after going through the process and knowing that my limitation in race could keep me waiting for a long time, I decided to open up my choice in child to any race. This little baby girl happened to be African-American. She was 9 months old and had been taken by CPS at the time of birth. So she had been in wonderful care, with the same foster family since day one. Born drug free (which is very uncommon), healthy and had reached all her developmental stages for her age. Parental rights were very surely to be severed. So she was everything I had wanted. Low risk, meaning the chance of her being given back to her birth family was very low. But I had quite a bit to think about. Mainly what it would be like to raise a black child in a white family. I took the week to think about it, and initially I was very excited and thinking that this may be something I could do. But after really thinking about it, doing some research, and talking to friends and family, I felt that adopting a black child as a white mother may not be the best choice for the baby. Adopted children, at some point in there lives, will eventually question their identity and heritage. They may struggle with finding their identity, just like most children do. But I felt that raising a black child in a white family could possibly affect her more so than other adopted children. After some very difficult decision making, I decided not to take this little baby. It wasn't an easy decision by any means. It was very emotional and heart-wrenching, but I ultimately felt it would be the best decision for her. They warned us in our 11 weeks of classes that this would be one of the most emotional and difficult things you'll ever go through. They were right, and I had no idea how difficult it would be, or has been. I will talk more about the 2nd match in my next post. But before I do I'll tell you this about it. The call for this baby came on Tuesday, yes this past Tuesday, Election Day. While I was in the middle of getting ready to leave work at 2pm to go and start preparing for my dad's Election night party, my case worker calls with the match. Really? Of all days! It couldn't have been a more stressful day. Murphy's Law! Gives me the basics on her and tells me that she needs an answer from me by 8:30 the next morning. An answer meaning that I want to go ahead with a full disclosure. Full Disclosure is when you meet with your case worker and the baby's case worker. They provide you with all the information that they have on her. The process can last up to 3 hours and is extremely draining and overwhelming, because you're hearing why this child was taken away. It's very unpleasant. But when you agree to go for a full disclosure, which is what I did with the first baby, it's a big deal. They're pretty much offering you this child and are hoping you'll decide to take her. I wasn't sure I was wanting to go ahead with a full disclosure with this 2nd baby or not, but I needed to have the answer first thing the next morning. As you can imagine, I was pretty much a nervous wreck Tuesday night. With the numbers coming in and not looking good for my dad and worrying about him, I had this decision weighing heavily on my mind. I'll leave it at that for now. I promise to post about this 2nd match later tonight or tomorrow. Writing about this is cathartic, but also a little draining.

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