Saturday, September 10, 2011

Test Results

I was able to go in and have a pregnancy blood test a day before my scheduled appointment on 9/9. This would allow me to have my test Thursday morning and get the results later that afternoon. I decided to take the day off from work and spend the day with my mom shopping, going to lunch, and trying to keep me preoccupied. I started spotting the day before while I was at work. It wasn't anything substantial, but it definitely alarmed me. I knew that it was sometimes normal to have spotting if you were pregnant. It could be from implantation or the uterus growing and the placenta forming. So I really tried not to worry about it. But the next day, Thursday morning, I had more spotting. I felt like I had started my period. When I went in for my blood test, I told the nurse what was happening and she reassured me that 4 out of 5 pregnant women usually have some spotting around the time that they are expecting their period, and even have cramping. So I felt a little better, but I was very worried and concerned.

The call came around 4:30pm, and the nurse very kindly informed me that the test came back negative, I was not pregnant. She was only telling me what I pretty much already knew that morning when I saw I had more significant spotting. But the news still stung and I felt my heart in my throat. It was devastating news. But at the same time, there was a sense of relief that I finally had a definitive answer after waiting two weeks. Not knowing is the worst feeling, and I finally knew. My mom was there with me, thank God, and just wrapped me in her arms and told me how sorry she was. I love my mom so much.

So, there it is. I'm not pregnant, and probably will never have the opportunity to experience pregnancy or give birth to my own child, and that's difficult to accept. But I know that I will still be a mother. My baby is out there somewhere. I just have to be patient.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers and good thoughts. They mean so much and have really helped me get through this process. No one wanted this more than me, but I really felt how much you all wanted this too, for me, and I can't thank you enough.





  1. Heidi, I am so very heart hurts for you. I still know you will be a wonderful mom...this is just step one. I will be thinking of you all day... Love, Laura

  2. Dear Heidi, I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you this time. It will happen, however it happens, you will have the child of your heart. Hang in there! This was just Round's not over yet.

  3. You know how I feel about it....I've told you before. Your baby is out there waiting for you. We don't only become mothers when babies grow in our bellies. I won't tell you that this is for the best because I know that doesn't make anything better. I'll only tell you that someday you'll look back on this and realize it is just one step in what eventually makes you a mommy.

    Allow yourself to be sad for a while and then focus on completing the adoption process. There's some girl out there who's going to need a mommy for her baby and who will be better than you??

    I love you!!


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